We spotted some guy up ahead slithering

like a lost snake all over the road.

“Woof. Must be drunk,” I said.

She looks at me without a beat,

my undisputed queen of devil’s advocacy, and says,

“Maybe he’s getting road head.”

“Yeah,” I say, “maybe he’s doing his taxes.

Could be sorting his recycling,

our noble steward of the earth.”

It goes on like this without question.

“So-and-so won’t message me back,” I say.

“Well, maybe they dropped their phone in the lake,” she responds.

“So-and-so broke off plans with me again,” I say.

“Well, maybe they’re just busy with family.”

No explanation, no analysis,

just conversation over.

She makes it look easy. Let me

take a crack at it, I think.

“Shit, they’re going to be late again,” she says.

“Maybe they just popped a tire,” I say.

“Maybe,” she says. “But probably not.”

Maybe, but probably not.

Why the hell

didn’t I think of that?

The devil’s advocate strikes again.

Queen of Devil’s Advocacy

Ian Valor

Poetry
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iantvalor@gmail.com

© 2026 Ian Valor